Produced by Soulection artist IAMNOBODI, on this track Sean C. Johnson, Shy Speaks and Adam L. give their testimonies on how pornography and porn addiction has affected them. The title takes it’s name from XXX which in roman numerals is 30, this number being important because it takes 30 days of not doing something to break a habit/addiction. With some powerful testimonies, and a real honesty from these artists on an issue that affects so many people in the church who may not have the appropriate support to talk through these struggles, this song may offend some but speak loudly to others. Excerpts from a John Piper sermon have also been used to add impact to the great lyrics of the track; a favourite line being the brilliant nod from Shy Speaks to the original instrumental – Kendrick Lamar’s ‘B****, Don’t Kill My Vibe’ – with the line “I guess I killed their vibe”.
As a note, I’m aware that some people who hear this may struggle with porn addiction and would like to use this song to point people to the brilliant ministry of http://www.xxxchurch.com/.
Verse 1: Wish I could erase the images I’ve seen Year was 93’, tape on the bed right next to me Couldn’t wait till my Auntie went to sleep, so we put the TV on mute And the girl on the TV so cute, could have sworn she was looking at me Now the seed is planted so deep, turn the lights off Mouth sitting wide open, but I can’t talk Did the girl just really take her clothes off? Can’t look away, it’s about to do down holler “May Day” Real talk I thought this was a game? I left that room with chains Never looked at girls the same, because I know Being thirty years old and a virgin, don’t mean you out grow them urges Never should have pulled back that curtain Thank God for the blood he purchased me Still the images in my sleep; never thought I’d be this deep When a girl walk past I’m weak… Why not? That’s what I’m thinking I’m a pig in the morning like bacon, clothes on in my mind you naked My virtue I’m forsaking. My Lord Probably going to need your grace Don’t forget my face…be back tomorrow roll tape.
Chorus: Bare my soul, let it go, let it go Heavy load, bare my soul, let it go, let it go
Verse 2: (I was) A sweet 16, looking so clean, with 2 of my girls, linking up with our boos We agreed we weren’t pitching home-runs, but letting’em hit a few bases was cool So yeah he knew, he wasn’t gone do me; plus we were coming to just watch a movie He popped it in, it was a flick, and all I seen was the back of a chick With her hand on his “whoa”, out the corner of my eye, I’m looking at him feeling sick You would’ve sworn I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, they way I start yelling, “Aye pull it out, quick” They looked at me like “you serious?”, I looked like, “yeah that’s right” They looked at me and just SMH’d, I guess I killed their vibe but I, say we gone get caught, plus it’s too loud, he say, my dad walk in right now he would be proud Wow, but bore me; he say, “nah you a virgin, you scared of this orgies” He was right, I left that room with questions Am I the object of a man’s affections or his erection All I know, that day I said no, & as a woman, I never looked backed But if I did this is how it would go I would haul in from a hard day, hop up out my heel In heat, I would hover the internet for some hot thrills Conscious crying, body tingling, head low singing
Verse 3: I used to sneak peeks at my momma’s catalog, that’s where the apple falls On pouty lips and padded bras, and that’s what Adam saw It had him all off balance And castles fall when passive palace walls are challenged by the reign of cats and jackled dogs She bares her chest, now I bare my chest (Hasslehoff) I swear my chest was barely even hairy when my addict called, and told me that is all Convincing me this blackened hall was one I had to walk And I had a Dad and Mom But my camouflaged was real, for every layer that she peels there’s one that I conceal And I can deal with this until I get to numb to feel what I can’t kill If you can’t drive a screw you know the drill You take the only pill and slowly kill your family Traded my first love for a fantasy All because a planted seed I can’t retrieve I think of how it damaged me Can’t stand to think my fantasy was probably there because her father was a man like me… Help me Jesus!!